So good to feel good

The last day of June and apparently not too soon with how rough this month has been for so many folks around the country, world and right here at home. My struggles/desire to lose weight is such a small struggle compared to what we are facing as a people in this day and time in history. Though I'm still working on it :0

This past week I was sick enough to end up in the hospital and was complaining the whole time about having to use my work personal time on being sick. Complaining about how this was such a waste of my valuable time, that I couldn't get anything constructive done....whine, whine, whine.

The lessons came fast, strong and sweet. Being sick showed me the compassion of others, (you know who you are and I love all of you for your kindness). Being sick showed me again what a wonderful man I am married to as I am not a great patient, (I know, hard to believe). Being sick showed me once again that I am not in control, when my body is at it's breaking point it shuts down no matter how hard I push.
Being sick taught me once again to be grateful for my health, for this wonderful body that God created and that I need to take better care of it.

With the heartache, stress, pain, confusion, loss and helplessness that so many have experienced these past couple of years, months, weeks,and days it's no wonder that for so many the light is dim, hope seems far away and the thought of helping others has given away to helping one's self. After all, if we don't take care of ourselves who will, times are tuff we don't have the time, money, energy, etc. to give a hand up, go out of our way to lessen another's burden, its hard enough taking care of ourselves. We are running as fast as we can after all........

Here is a lesson I have learned from others and have experienced for myself first hand. When I am feeling most down, most hopeless, most selfish, that life is unfair, I work hard, am a good person, it's just not fair.

I have a simple cure....

Reaching out to lessen another's burden. The best part is it doesn't have to be big, (a smile for the clerk behind the cash register, eye contact, letting a car cut in front of you, giving up the close parking space, holding the door for someone else, giving the benefit of the doubt rather then judging. Treating all that you come in contact with as a child of God and therefore having a divine birthright as that is who they are whether they remember it or not). Of course there are countless other things that amazingly lift my spirits and increase my smiles when I take the focus off of me.

Now I am not a great example of the above, remember I am still learning the lessons, yet I can tell you without a doubt that each time I remember and act upon this simple cure I am the one who benefits.

So lets reach out and lift each other, (it's like water, our burdens are lighter when we buoy each other up).

I'm in week four and am down 5 pounds though I'm not thinking it's from my efforts, I'm sick today and feel like I lost at least 10 pounds. Not really the way I want to see the pounds come off, (LOL).I am losing inches from my daily work out and eating better, (my clothes are getting looser).

Thank goodness the apartment is so close as I would never have made the 1 hour drive home from work. What a horrible couple of hours I had at work before I was able to drive the few miles to the apartment. Thanks mom and Ed for taking such good care of me while I suffered there, I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for you.(Thanks for the clothes mom)

The past week was extremely busy as the kids moved out of the QC house and I moved back in. My brother is staying at the apartment with my mom so she is okay, truth be told he takes better care of her on a day to day basis then I do. At this time Rich and I are working to get the house back in order and are enjoying our time together. We are working through this journey called life together and learning how to best support each other, we are the eternal couple and as such desire to take care of each other on a day to day basis.

Life has been such a roller coaster these past 6 months and I'm sure the ride is not over yet. Not exactly the way I enjoy living though I am thinking there is a lesson here for me to learn and I keep fighting it so the lessons keep coming. What is the lesson you might be asking....(That I do not have control over everything as much as I fight to have it). I like my life orderly, predictable and adventureous as long as there is a safety net. Well, the past 6 months have not been orderly or predictable though I have had my safety net and maybe that is the control I have....to know that there is always a safety net.

Too many times in life we give up just before......., we are prone to wanting things to be easy and when they aren't to giving up stating it's just too hard. I find that after going through the hard times I always look back and think, (It was worth it). The trouble is when the next hard thing comes along I tend to forget while I'm in the midst of my struggle. At least the fight to avoid the struggle keeps getting shorter as I do have the ah ha that there is probably a lesson here and to just stay still, not to make quick decision out of emotion.

For me this is huge and my wish for all of my family and friends is to not give up (just before) as there will always be struggles, failure, set backs, etc. before the big win.

Be the winner, it's so worth it.

Okay week two did not go as planned in the diet and exercise arena though the week ended on a high note of which I am thankful. I had ice cream, carbs and only exercised formally two days and today hasn't been much better. Dang those taste buds!!!!! Thank goodness tomorrow is another day as needing to lose the two lbs I lost last week as they found me, I guess I'm just irresistible to those adorable fat molecules, or they have a great GPS tracking devise. (LOL)

So this past week was a tough one for me as pressures that have been building decided to rear their ugly heads and I was in serious stress mode. So bad in fact that when I told my husband about it he said, "let me take you to the movies", (always relaxes me and I have been known to see three in a row), when I told him that even that wouldn't help he sat down and said, "oh man, not sure what to do if the the movies won't even help". I was able to talk through it with my mom and husband, work things out in my mind and devise a plan, (one must always have a plan), and then forge on,

Remember how I stated that I like my life to be that beautiful gift box with the beautiful bow and when the box is opened everything is neatly arranged? Remember when I stated that I am trying to go with the flow, see the big picture, realize that I am not in control? Haaaaaaa; should never had said that as once said the testing begins.

Now one thing I must say I live by is that it's okay to fall, to have a melt down and yes even to talk with the little people in my head, but then I get up, dust off my knees and forge on. To fall, fail, stumble, get knocked down, these are life experiences, its what we do when faced with these life experiences that make us who we are. Its not the failing that makes us failures, it's the not trying. For me sometimes I fall softly and the getting up is easy, once in awhile I fall hard and the breath gets knocked out of me. Those are the ones that throw me for a loop as I consider myself a strong woman who can handle anything. Those are the times I re asses, check for damage and rely on past experiences of my friends, family and my own that assure me that this too will pass. Oh yea, there is also that wonderful little saying... "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger".

I think too many times we humans are so worried about what other humans think of us, specifically that they will think less of us if we actually share our struggles that we put forth only our pretty, sunny, everything is great side of our lives. This of course perpetuates the self loathing. So I say to all of my friends out there who share their joys and struggles thank you, thank you for giving me the courage to be all that I am, to be able to share the good, bad and ugly.

We are here to help each other, to raise each other up, to give each other a hand, to be the light in the darkness. None of us know what its like to walk in another's shoes, what life experience have brought them where they are, So bravo to all of you that do not lift yourselves up by bringing others down....you are my heroes!

Sunday, June 7th

So it has been one week and I have done so so. For the most part I have eaten well, exercised and cheated. Yes, I have eaten some pasta, buttered pop corn at the movies, and some sugar.

While I'm not as happy with myself as I want to be I'm going to be kind to myself. Tomorrow is another day and I will press forward with my journey. (I am down 2 pounds though).

As for my life I am learning much, actually more then I really want to though I know these are lessons I need to learn so that I will be the person I am hoping to become through this journey. I like my life to have order, (everything in it's place, always have a plan and a back up, goals written, dream big, hope for luck, work hard, everything nice, everything pretty), you know life in a nice little package.

What I am learning big time is that I really have no control outside of my reaction to the world around me. I can be frustrated that things aren't happening as I want them to or I can accept that I only have control over me, my thoughts and my actions. I can go through life in fear, frustrated, disappointed, always waiting for.........before I'll be happy, at peace, settled, can do....there are many many things that can get in my way of enjoying life minute by minute, day by day. But heck, I believe we are on this earth to have joy, experience many things, learn many things, share many things, help each other, dance and laugh.

Life happens and sometimes not the way I want it to which is why they call it life.... so along with losing those 30 lbs, whoops, (28lbs) I am on a journey to enjoy each day, to be happy, to stop being fearful of the economy, the gloom and doom I hear about everyday, the uncertainty I have been feeling for months now.

Heck I have a loving husband, wonderful family, great friends, a roof over my head, plenty to eat, my health, a job I love, my faith, the knowledge that Heavenly Father is aware of everything and that with him I can do anything, endure anything and just plain be thankful and happy. So that's my plan!